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Children of the Living Dead
- Genre: Zombie
- Release Year: 2001
- Director: Tor Ramsey
- Writer: Karen L Wolf
- Running Time: 90
- Rating: R (horror, gore, lang)
- Reviewed by: Fixxxer on Wed 28 May 08
Official Blurb:
In 1987 serial murderer and rapist Abbot Hayes disappeared from the morgue. Shortly afterwards, a zombie plague swept his hometown and many lost their lives in the ensuing battle. Now, fourteen years later, the aging residents of the town are trying to erase all traces of their past. But the arrival of a businessman who relocates the bodies of the local cemetery into a mass grave so he can build a car dealership riles up Abbot, who sets out to create his own army of the undead and take over.
Review:
This movie uses both Night of the Living Dead and Return of the Living Dead as a basis…though it ignores the fact that the zombies from Return of the Living Dead couldn’t be killed. The movie starts during the 1986 outbreak (Return of the Living Dead), which is apparently very local to this town. There’s a murderer running around as well. He has something to do with the zombies, but the film never reveals what that might be. All of the zombies are dealt with, except for this murderer.
Skip ahead 14 years. Five teenagers are driving to a concert when this murderer steps out in front of their van and apparently compels the driver to take the van over the edge of a cliff, which is conveniently located nearby, despite the fact that the rest of the town seems to be flat field land. After the funeral of these teenagers (open casket…going over a 200 foot cliff killed them, but didn’t give them a single scratch), the murderer shows up and brings them back from the dead.
Skip ahead another year. A developer buys up the murderer’s old house, which has been vacant for 15 years, and plans to build a used car lot on the site. There’s a family cemetery on premises that needs to be moved first. Somehow or another, this gets the murderer all riled up. He takes out two or three other people, which combined with the dead teenagers gives him…ummm…seven plus…carry the three…factor for wind…better than two dozen zombies. Yes. That’s right. I don’t know either. And I also don’t know why this undead murderer wandered the land for 14 years before making more zombies. And then another year after that before coming back again.
After this point, the film -already riddled with bad acting, “filler” scenes that don’t do anything for the movie except make it longer and death scenes that jump suddenly from zombie sneaking up behind the victim to the victim on the floor, holding what we presume to be a wound- turns into something resembling an untalented film student’s take on Night of the Living Dead, but with a budget of $5. Zombies are killed by guys flying through the air with a pistol in each hand. Somebody manages to pull a flamethrower out of thin air. One guy offs a bunch of rotters by dropping sticks of dynamite out of the window of the car he’s relaxing in.
A special note to anyone who was in any way instrumental to this movie making it to the post-production stage: Kill yourself. Seriously. You serve no useful function. Do the rest of us a favor.
What I liked:
- Despite having really, really tried, I can’t find a single redeeming quality about this movie.
What I didn't like:
- Extremely bad cinematography
- Piss-poor story
- Actors with little talent (at best)
Rating:
- Genre Feel: Just about anyone that has seen 10 minutes of Night of the Living Dead and is in possession of a minuscule amount of common sense is probably going to get a headache from watching this movie. I’m not certain I would nominate it for Mystery Science Theater 3000.
- Acting: The acting was very sub-par. I can’t lay the blame completely on the actors, though. The writer and producer tossed several of their friends into the movie instead of hiring real actors. What else can we expect from a movie where the only recognizable name is that of the stunt coordinator?
- Effects: Non-existent. Fake blood from a tube was smeared in small amounts over the mouths of the zombies and the “head zombie” was wearing a rubber mask and gloves that look like they ran about .95 from a Wal-Mart during Halloween. This movie would probably have been improved greatly if Tom Savini had been hired as the special effects guy, rather than the stunt coordinator.
- Production Quality: It’s very obvious that thousands of corners were cut to make this movie.
Final Scoring: 0.0 Zombie Heads of a possible 5 Zombie Heads Personal Recommendation: If you have a choice between seeing this movie or stabbing yourself in the eyes with a pencil, go with the pencil. Availablity:
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